Okay so this I confess is hastily written because I can’t read anymore posts, I can’t see any more posts without commenting. I feel like I want to jump up and down waving a red flag! So I’m writing a short blog post instead in the hope that you will read it.

This week it’s National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) in America and I’m afraid it will backfire for some of you and I really don’t want that to happen. The spirit and intention is good, so good and I absolutely get and agree that infertility is not a dirty secret that needs to be hidden. Increasing numbers of couples, 1 in 8 apparently, are struggling to conceive and I’m guessing the thinking is, that by attempting to illustrate how soul sucking and heart breaking the impact can be, more understanding, sensitivity and respect around the topic will be offered. This can only be good right? What is also happening is that more couples who are experiencing difficulty conceiving are connecting with each other, finding solace in like minds and like experiences. Sharing their experiences and connecting, this is how social media works and how human beings work.

Our need for connection is a powerful part of our survival instinct. In caveman days we needed to be part of the pack in order to survive. If we were cast out we would die and to this day we are wired to seek out connection.

Connection is good, knowledge is good, but what has been making me uncomfortable for a while now, and what the increased publicity around National Infertility Awareness Week is just magnifying, is that women, in seeking solace and understanding in others going through the same challenges, may inadvertently define themselves as infertile. Will identify with infertile as ‘the tribe they belong to’ and in telling their stories, and in listening and reading the stories of others, will reinforce this definition of themselves. What you think about and what you say creates images in your mind and your mind uses these words and images to work out what you want. The mental image formed becomes a blueprint and the subconscious mind uses every means at its disposal to act according to the blueprint. Telling the story of your past unsuccessful fertility experiences, listening to similar stories, retelling your story, repeating it and reliving the emotion reinforces it and has the capacity to trap you replicating the past in your present and future.

Be careful what you focus on. What you need is to be in the present with all the potential it offers. Never say I am infertile do not identify with that condition unless that is what you want. You are not infertile. Your baby is making its way to you! You must expect to have a healthy baby. Use words and images that make a blueprint of what you want instead of what you don’t want. Use the powerful mind body connection to work for you instead of against you.

So while you may feel like you have found your tribe, exercise caution and use your new connections to lift each other up, focusing on the positive things you can do to move toward your common goal of motherhood.